They Are Not Your Friends

This letter is Part 2 of How to Deal With Negative Friends:

Last week, I shared an alternative to the conventional advice of cutting negative friends out of your life.

I wrote how instead of removing them completely, it’d be wise to limit your interactions with negative friends. At the same time, it would be beneficial to give them a chance to learn from their mistakes by being upfront about your pain with them.

This way of compassion and candor over range and revenge allows you to heal and move forward with them.

But there’s an exception to this rule.

It may sound like I’m going against my own advice.

But I believe there are times when you really need to cut your “friends” out. Take it from me. It took me a long time to realize this.

Painfully long.

To save you from heartache, I want to share this exception with you.

You may disagree with me. My ideas may not make sense. That is fine.

All I ask is you read with an open mind.

Fake friends are NOT the same as negative friends

Know the difference.

Negative friends are still your friends. Yes, really.

If you haven’t talked to them about their negativity, they may not even know what they say or do is toxic. Possibly, they mean well and still care about you.

Remember these are negative friends. Not negative enemies!

Friends deserve to be given chances. If you confront them with compassion and candor, they may very well work towards mending the friendship with you.

Still, limit your interactions with them and exercise healthy boundaries, of course.

However, fake friends are different.

Fake friends are NOT your friends. They are enemies.

Yes, we shouldn’t try to go out and make enemies. But unfortunately, they are an inevitable encounter. We cannot let them control us.

Fake friends are like blood-sucking leeches.

They are intentionally deceiving, manipulative, and even downright terrible people. They come in many forms, usually disguised as friends who may lie with their tongues about how much they care about you. But their actions MUCH LOUDER speak otherwise.

In my experience, fake friends are cunning and emotionally intelligent.

But they use their emotional intelligence to make you feel like something you aren’t. They DARE to steal your peace. They WANT to put you down.

A way to tell the two apart

Confront your problematic person.

Do it gently, of course. But tell your sincere feelings. Notice how they respond.

Those who attentively listen for understanding, admit fault, and commit to change are your real friends. They are the ones you can grow forward with.

But those who get all hysterical, lash out at you, or don’t choose to understand you are not worth keeping around. If they don’t admit fault, and even try to sweet-talk you out of your feelings, you will learn they are a fake friend.

Really, it doesn’t matter what the result is. At least you will know you gave that person your best. You gave them a chance.

Your heart will know who is a fake friend and who is just a negative friend who still means well.

What to do about fake friends

They are not your friends.

So cut them out before they cut you down.

Plain and simple.

Seriously. Don’t second-guess yourself on this. Don’t overthink. Remove them from your life as much as you can.

This is when you must listen to the conventional advice of “cutting them out.”

Fake friends are like scammers:

• Scammers intentionally manipulate others to steal money.

• Fake friends do the same—to steal your mental peace and gain control over you.

You don’t feel bad about blocking a scammer, right?

So why should you feel bad about removing a fake friend from your life?

Don’t let fake friends affect you.

Ignore them.

They are scammers.

Your Takeaway Message

Know the difference between a negative friend who means well and a fake friend who seeks to steal your peace. Fake friends are enemies.

Of course, we shouldn’t try to make enemies.

But when fake friends enter our lives, we must exercise the courage to remove them.

Don’t forget to be kind:

• Pray for them.

• Forgive them.

• Wish them the best.

But learn to not give a f*ck about those who don’t give a f*ck about you.

I hope this article helps you take action in improving your relationships and emotional health.

If you know someone struggling with a fake friend, consider sending them this article.

Until then, have a blessed day!

—Chris Son