The Courage to Be You

Total Read Time = 3 min.

Growing up Asian American was interesting.

Being Korean, I was not encouraged to take pride in myself.

Surrounding myself with a mostly Japanese network of friends and mentors, I was further discouraged from showing any self-important, proud behavior.

The East Asian value of community painted my character, nurturing:

• Humility

• Modesty

• Meekness

Which there’s nothing wrong about. I’m grateful for my upbringing and proud of the person I am today.

But because I wasn’t careful, I became a spineless people pleaser.

Whenever people praised me, I would turn down their compliments—constantly lowering myself and even criticizing them for thinking highly of me.

I always squashed myself down in the presence of others—only to feed their egos and make them feel good about themselves.

And I would say unnecessary shit like…

• Oh, you’re right, actually. I’m sorry.

• …it’s only my opinion, sorry, I’m probably wrong. You’re so valid!

• No, not at all. I can’t do__. I’m just so___.

Talk about over-apologetic. Spineless!

I had such little self-respect, and in turn, others would treat me with little respect, too. I can’t blame them though. How could I expect others to see in me what I didn’t see in myself?

I thought I was humble.

But really, I was just a pushover.

Now I realize the difference between the two.

If you’re humble, you refrain from being arrogant or having a big ego. You do not boast or brag. You tend to not talk about yourself too much.

But if you’re too humble—to the point where you have little pride or confidence in yourself—you’re just a pushover.

And I can say with confidence:

This world beats down pushovers.

And I’m not ashamed to admit that I can be a pushover (at times).

I still lack assertiveness and have people-pleasing tendencies.

That’s why I’m teaching myself to be more proud of who I am…to not squash myself any longer just to feed into others’ egos…to be me, fully and unapologetically.

You may feel the same.

That’s why I’m going to share with you how I’m going to do it.

By finding The Courage to Be You:

What is The Courage to Be You?

It’s what it sounds like.

Finding the courage, the guts, “the balls” to be your authentic self. To be You.

But You have been squashed down by the world—the fucking naysayers, society, and those others who put you down to feel good about themselves.

But You still exist.

So find it. Find You. Be You.

And yes, stay humble.

But remember that being too humble will only make you weak—a doormat for others to step on.

And in this world, you need to be strong. For yourself. For your people.

So…

1. Don’t lower yourself - Be proud of who you are.

2. Don’t discredit yourself - You are more than you think.

3. Don’t apologize for being yourself - There’s no need to (within reason).

Stand up for your values and what you truly believe in.

If there’s something that needs to be said, then fucking say it. Speak up! And don’t apologize or beat around the bush about what you say.

Ultimately, even if it sounds cringe or cliché to you, you need to remember…

Be yourself.

Seriously.

1. For relationships, being authentic to your partner is key for authenticity, trust, and love.

2. For mental health, being true to yourself builds Cognitive Consonance.

3. For business, being sincere with your work or brand will accelerate growth.

Flaunt your flaws.

Show your strengths.

Don’t cover up or hide your true self.

Ignore those people who try to beat you down for being you.

They can try to discourage you. But your courage will encourage. It’s stronger.

“B-but! Having pride is a sin! Ego is the Enemy!”

Yes, if you don’t keep your ego in check.

But for us humble people, we don’t have to worry about our pride turning into arrogance or self-importance. We already have a natural tendency to not talk too highly of ourselves.

You probably don’t squash down other people, right?

Then why do you do that to the person who matters? You.

Having a healthy sense of pride—self-confidence—is key to living your life fully and freely.

And as writer Justyna Cyrankiewicz puts it:

Self-confidence cannot exist without self-belief—a sincere feeling that you are strong. Self-belief is not an action, but a state of mind.

Building that self-belief will take time, yes.

But it already exists within you.

The Courage to Be You.

So find it.

Your Takeaway Message

I’m going to let my friend Winnie wrap this up:

Friends, that’s all for this week’s Letter.

If you find our newsletter helpful, feel free to invite your people!

Until then, have a blessed day!

—Chris Son