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- How To Build A Peaceful Mind
Tell me if this sounds familiar to you:
You go through your day, living your life, happy as can be. But once you get in bed, everything flips…
Those dark thoughts come streaming into your mind like a never-ending song. Past memories come, uninvited. Anxious worries about the future drain you.
You try to quiet your mind but you can’t. Your mind spirals out of control, stealing hours from your sleep and crippling you in your own body.
Or think about those moments when you are about to do something, but that voice in your head stops you from doing so…
Don’t talk to them. They are busy. They don’t want to speak with you.
Stop uploading YouTube videos. No one wants to watch a 5 out of 10 Asian guy.
Who the heck are you to write online?
It can be scary how our own mind can be our own enemy. Our minds should serve as our greatest asset—to create beautiful ideas and memories—not self-sabotaging, anxiety-inducing thoughts.
We all know mental health is important (duh).
But oftentimes, people give terrible advice:
“Deal with it.”
“It’s all in your head.”
“Just stop thinking about it.”
While they may mean well, their ‘advice’ can add to our mental pain.
Making peace with our mind doesn’t just happen after reading a single reframe or mental health quote. If it were that easy, none of us would have problems with anxiety, overthinking, and such.
And that’s okay.
Think about bodybuilding. You don’t build a Mike Mentzer-like physique with a single workout. A strong, aesthetic body takes time.
Think about business. You don’t scale up to 7-figures after watching some “get rich quick” videos on YouTube. It takes work.
The same applies to building a peaceful mind.
Your mind is a garden. It takes time to make it beautiful, strong, and calm. It takes work to create mental peace.
There’s also no quick fix or single solution to do so.
That’s why I’m grateful I’ve found my way to build a peaceful mind. I’m only going to share what’s worked for me.
You have to find what works for you.
Disclaimer: [include obvious disclaimer text here about how I’m NOT a mental health expert—readers should seek professional support if they’re severely at risk]
I had a calm meeting with myself & nature
(in The Law Quad at U-Michigan :)
First: What NOT To Do
Please, for the love of God…do NOT try to ‘silence’ your chaotic mind.
Read that again.
I knew someone who was dealing with many negative thoughts. But rather than taking healthy approaches towards mental peace, he drowned his mind with music, conversations, and audiobooks. 24/7
Everywhere he went, he had to be listening to something. In the shower, he’d play music or sports games on his speaker. In bed, he would wear earbuds and listen to some sleep ASMR videos.
His mind didn’t get any calmer.
When we have negative thoughts, it can be easy to distract ourselves with new activities, food, movies, music, and more. But distraction is suppression—it’s trying to silence something you can’t.
Yes, in the short term, distracting yourself from your mind can help.
But as you readers may know—we aren’t about cheap, instant results. We’re here to grow as a whole and live peacefully—for life.
For Mental Peace…Practice Self-Compassion
What is self-compassion?
It’s being real with yourself—looking deep within and seeing all the bad, ugly, and uglier parts about you. When negative thoughts and memories come to mind, you don’t fight or talk yourself out of them.
Instead, you practice kindness—being gentle and forgiving yourself for how you feel. You don’t judge those ugly, ugly thoughts. You stay patient in the healing process.
This is my process to build a peaceful mind (when negative thoughts linger):
1. Allow yourself to be.
This is absolutely crucial.
Do NOT try to silence your thoughts. This brings mental tension.
But be—be who you are, be with your thoughts, be with it all.
2. From there, accept your mind for what it is.
Agitated? Anxious? Ruminating? It doesn’t matter how you feel.
No matter what’s on your mind, acknowledge it.
And gently accept your mind.
3. And from acceptance, work towards letting go.
Notice how I say work towards.
We can’t just let go by chanting affirmations or saying we will just “let go.”
Pulling weeds out of a garden takes time and effort. The same goes for letting go of negative thoughts—those mind weeds—in our mental gardens.
Fortunately for us, there are a variety of time-tested ways to do “mental garden work.” This can look like…
Studying Stoicism and realizing people cannot hurt you (future Letter ;)
Journaling your sincerest thoughts and ending with gratitude.
Replacing mind weeds with beautiful thoughts—flowers.
Getting rid of social media for digital peace of mind.
Breathing meditation with no expectations.
Talking to a trusted loved one.
Walking alone in silence.
Grinding at the gym.
Praying to God.
…and more.
These work for me.
Find what works for you.
Treat your mind like a beautiful garden.
Your Takeaway Message
To build a peaceful mind, practice self-compassion.
Allow yourself to be.
Accept your mind for what it is.
Work towards letting go.
And through it all, remember to be gentle and patient with yourself.
You are human, my friend.
Friends, that’s all for this Letter.
Mental health is a complex topic, so don’t take everything this random writer on the internet says as true.
And know that there’s no shame in getting professional help.
Until then, have a blessed day!
—Chris Son
P.S.
If you’re interested in 1:1 coaching or just want to chat, call me here.
(100% free. I have nothing to sell you.)